That last one was bad...Here's One: husband 1.0

Subject: FW: Dear Tech Support

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had
operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system. In addition, Husband 1.0
uninstalled many other "valuable" programs, such as romance 9.9, and
installed "undesirable" programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes
the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no
avail. What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate



Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package, while
husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command
C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5. But remember,
overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such applications as Grumpy
Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please remember that Beer 6.1 is a
very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly WAV files. DO NOT install
Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another boyfriend program. These are not
supported applications, and will crash Husband 1.0. It could also
potentially cause Husband 1.0 to default to the program: Girlfriend 9.2,
which runs in the background and has been known to introduce potentially
serious viruses into the Operating system.

In summary!

Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and can't
learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional
software to enhance his system performance. I personally recommend Hot Food
3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5 combined with such applications as that old
standby... Lingerie 6.9.

Good Luck,

Tech Support