wife 1.0

spud · #1 (**permalink**) 11-09-2007, 07:50 PM

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities, such as Offroading 10.3, Rugby 5.0, Going To The Pub 7.5, and lads night out 3.6

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my other favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Amatorius · #2 (**permalink**) 03-05-2008, 11:04 PM

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.

Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. I suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause.

The best course of action will be to enter the command
C:\APOLOGIZE.
In any case avoid excessive use of YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.

Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0.
-- I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0.
Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.

Tech Support.

Response taken from this site because it's just too classic not to.

jephree · #3 (**permalink**) 04-05-2008, 07:52 AM

All one needs is a good Boot manager.

rokytnji · #4 (**permalink**) 04-05-2008, 06:04 PM

After running wife 1.0 for over 18 years and watching subprograms son 1.0 and son 2.0 mature into full running opertating systems of their own, wife 1.0 decided to upgrade husband hardware Harley Biker,USMC ram ,6'7" 300 lb. harddrive with Truckdriver,CDL ram,5'10" 260lb hardrive. Going with the smaller unit overloaded the system and crashed within months. I had upgraded to wife 2.0 but only after 30 to 45 days found That I wasn't happy with the O\S and had a legal tech wipe out the program. Did a clean install of Wife 3.0 after rigorous research into compatability issues, (Harleys,Drinking,Camping,Loyalty,Responce Times,and Game Play). After running wife 3.0 now for 13 years I have yet to find an operating system to beat it. No new upgraded O/S or updates for me. Sometimes even with the costs and pain of getting rid of a trusted tried and true program does lead to better things and results. Just depends on how adventerous one is.

Also in reply to Hidden operating files from wife 1.0 and 2.0 showing up. Yeas these programs would try to pop up over the years to see if I would give them another go and promised that bug fixes and updates had resolved their abrupt crashes and freezes. But wife 3.0 comes with built in anti-spyware, anti-virus,anti-malware, and a good version of WINPATROL that alerts the system when a registry change is about to be made and treats hidden files and outside threats of wife 1.0 and 2.0 as Virul,Malware,threats and deletes them before they can infect the system.

CaptainMazda · #5 (**permalink**) 06-05-2008, 09:48 PM

Your best bet is to reformat and roll back to Girlfriend 7.0. Just beware the Child Support malware, there's no protection against it.

jephree · #6 (**permalink**) 07-05-2008, 04:40 AM

With all versions of Girlfriend a good firewall is essential.

I myself never found the need to "upgrade" to Wife.

In the long run I've always preferred Self DOS.

CaptainMazda · #7 (**permalink**) 07-05-2008, 04:45 AM

Apparently those firewalls have a 97.3% success rate. You never know when you might end up with a leech bot on your bal...err, hands.

xproy · #8 (**permalink**) 16-10-2008, 08:16 AM

hahaha
this is a fine writing in computer operating theme.
and the software versions are also superb.

keep it up!

UK Dave · #9 (**permalink**) 06-11-2008, 03:03 PM

Dear Tech Support,

Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!

Sincerely,
XXX

Dear XXX,

This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.

In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\ I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!

Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.

A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!

Tech Support

Follow-up mail from tech support:

Dear XXX,

Your Husband 1.0 has been infected with the Mistress 2.1 virus. Try
Divorce 3.5 to remove present headaches.

Tech support

Kaistar · #10 (**permalink**) 07-11-2008, 02:03 AM

LOL! That figures!